A Fun Game for Finals Week
I am not so totally Duke Centric as to think that Finals Week here is any different than it is at most schools, particularly super-hyper-active “peer institutions” (except for the part where our “reading period” is a 12-hour joke unlike the actual reading WEEKS that other schools have) (except again, who are we kidding? If Duke had a reading week, we would spend five days of it partying at Shooters like a super-long weekend and start studying 12 hours before finals started anyway). Undoubtedly a lot of schools witness the game I am about to describe. But the whole thing is so, so Duke I can barely stand it. :)
Duke students, it has been noted, tend to be a little competitive. Around finals week they like to play around with a little one up man ship. The object of this game: to have the most work and yet the least amount of stress. In order to play the conversation must go like this:
Person 1: How’s finals week going?
Person 2: Not too bad. I just have (three papers, a lab report, two exams and a presentation that is worth half of my grade) due before (tomorrow).
Person 1: Wow. That sounds like a lot.
See, person 2 has just made a GREAT opening volley, listing an INSANE amount of work that demonstrates how hard core they are but at the same time, dismissing it out of hand, showing how chill, calm and composed they are.
But they still have a decision to make. Politesse would demand that they now ask Person 1 how their week is going. But they can only do this if they feel confident in the fact that their week is more overwhelming than Person 2’s. Generally this leads to a consideration of Person 2’s major. IE, I, as a notorious English major, ALWAYS get asked how mine is going.
Say they decide to ask. Best case scenario (for Person 2) goes like this:
Person 2: Yeah. So how’s yours going?
Person 1: I had like a five page paper due yesterday and an exam the day after tomorrow…
Person 2: Not to bad at all.
Ouch. It might seem like a good thing for Person 1, but it really means that they are a SLACKER, NON-COMPETITVE and will NEVER GET A JOB. Ever.
On the other hand things can play like this:
Person 2: Is your week too bad?
Person 1: Nope. Only (four papers, a research proposal, three exams and a thesis defense). All due (before the end of the day). But I’m not really worried about it.
Person 2: Wow.
At which point Person 2 tucks their tail between their legs and wanders away to go find some unsuspecting Philosophy major to play against. (Though they better hope it’s not Danielle, who on top of a shit ton of papers and take homes, also spent this finals week moving out of her dorm room and prepping for being in charge of Rush. And at no point seemed all that stressed about any of it.)
However, above all, even if your work level gets shown way the hell up, the most important thing is to never, ever, EVER betray any sense of panic or stress. Stress is for losers. It shows that you are weak and can be defeated and culled from the herd and any leadership positions you may have managed to accumulate.
(I’d like to forewarn anyone who might be thinking about it from playing the game against me. While my failure to have a real major/take real classes might make me seem like an easy target, I have in fact written nearly 80 pages of stuff since Monday. And I have a final on Saturday that I have been studying for on the side. I will TAKE YOU DOWN if you attempt to play with me because I am also cool as a cucumber. Look, I’m taking a break for writing a blog post! And I’ve been to yoga twice this week! My chill owns your chill.)
Final note: the point of the game is not to ever say that you aren’t doing the work you need to do. The object is to be a control freak who just happens to have a lot to control at the moment and to have it UNDER CONTROL. Not to be a slacker. No one likes slackers. Especially during finals week.
